All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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