I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
