Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
