he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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