Need sex. Gaining weight.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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