ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
