i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
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