I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Let's get the cat blown out
We are all done wearing pants today
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So apparently I’m into choking now
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
