Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
