I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
