Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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