ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I am midnight drunk by noon
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
