i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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