So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
