This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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