just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
