There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
