by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
