mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
