Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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