You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
