i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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