a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I will pee on everything he values.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
