No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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