I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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