I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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