Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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