I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You smell like stripper and shame
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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