i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
