God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
