You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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