I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
