Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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