We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
