I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
