Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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