I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
