I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
