Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
