she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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