The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
