Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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