i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
