Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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