I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
