My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
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I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
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there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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