9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
