Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
