Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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