so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
