last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
