I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
