his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize