high people should be assigned attendants
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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