hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
