she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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