still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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