Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
