I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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