Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize