Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
