need another drink. this is the easiest way
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
