1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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