rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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