Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
