please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
