Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
