i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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