I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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