i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
