I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
