sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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