Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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