I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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