Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
